Hate Will Not Make You Happy

Photo Credit Unsplash

Let’s do a little exercise today. I want you to think about something you really, really hate; something you absolutely despise. Let that hatred build up in you, overwhelm you. Does it make you angry? Does your heart start to race? Do you feel disgust, nauseousness, maybe even a touch of fear? Perhaps the thought of violence has occurred to you. Why not hurt the thing you hate? These feelings are suffocating, you need to let them out, you need to let your hate out or you’re going to burst. And what happens if you do? Does it help? Does it make your hate vanish?

Now take a deep breath and think about things you love. Think about peace, happiness, laughter. Think about times you were filled with joy. Times when you were comforted and relaxed. Has your heart slowed? Do you feel contentment, maybe even a touch of fulfilment? Perhaps you want to spread your happiness, have others join in. These feelings are pleasant, they make you feel your best. If possible you would bottle them up so that you could always experience them.

The exercise is over. Let’s think about what we experienced. On one hand we felt hate and anger. It wasn’t pleasant. Our body was negatively impacted by these feelings (heart racing, nauseousness, suffocating). We wanted to lash out to ease our burden. But lashing out doesn’t make the hate disappear. It might give you temporary relief. A rush of adrenaline for self-preservation. But eventually the hatred will return and with it the same awful feelings. As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “hate begets hate.” Filling yourself up with negative emotions will never make you happy. You’ll focus on the bad, your mind and body paying the price, but pursuing that hatred won’t eventually make you a better or happier person. How can it? None of the feelings you experience when you experience hate make you feel good. So how will living with a heart full of hate ever make you happy?

Now focus on the opposite experience. Let’s think about how we felt when we focused on things we love. Our body was positively impacted (heart rate slows, breathing calm, we’re relaxed, maybe even smiling). In this state we don’t feel the need to lash out, we aren’t suffocating from our negative emotions. Instead we’d much rather keep these pleasant feelings going forever. We are calm and content. We are happy. If the opportunity arises, we would even want to spread our joy because love begets love as much as hate begets hate. However, we don’t feel an overpowering desire to force our love on others because our love is not a burden that needs to be eased, it’s a positive experience we want to share. Love leads us to feeling happy and at peace within ourselves. It is this contentment, a heart filled with love, that will eventually make you a better and happier person.